Commercials are just about the worst. Except Super Bowl commercials. Except for last year. Usually they're pretty funny. And, who are these people telling me what to eat, or wear, or consume, anyway? You don't know me!! I am unique. I am a goddamned snowflake. You don't tell snowflakes what to eat or drink (coincidentally, they they drink whatever is the cheapest at Circle K). I don't conform to your societal rules of what is classified as a "snack," ok??
Cheez-its, fine, that's a snack. Goldfish crackers, alright... Getting colder, but still ok. Jell-O? No. Not a snack. Go screw yourselves, marketing team. Now, tortillas, THAT'S a snack. In fact, I had two in bed last night after work after Goldfish crackers left me unsatisfied. That's right. TORTILLAS. Stop judging me!!
That's what I'm talking about.
Who ever decided that these little babies were just one small integral part of a meal? I mean, no one is underestimating the pillowy goodness and importance of a tortilla (because if they did... so help them...), but seriously, when's the last time you saw a tortilla commercial? The tortilla team needs to up the ante is all I'm getting at. These things are A-MAZ-ING.
They not only are the glue that holds a burrito or a chimichanga together, but they're better at sopping up left over juices and thinner foods from your plate than dumb old bread. Which, by the way, is on my laundry list of complaints and future blog entries. What in the hell has happened to bread?? It's like pockets of air surrounded by molecules of bread-like crumbs. Anyway, getting off the topic. Tortillas are the business.
I'm sorry, did I miss the meeting when it was decided that the Swiss are making bread now??
And, furthermore, (this is the part of the blog where I am now pretending to be a haughty lawyer hot shot, executing one hell of a closing statement to a jury of my peers) if tortillas could just be accepted as an actual snack food I won't have to feel my husband's eyes staring at me in disbelief as I gobble up two tortillas for my midnight snack anymore. Just do this for me, tortilla people. I don't ask for much. I just want to live in a world where I can eat mayonnaise and sweet chili sauce on a tortilla and not be considered some sort of low class freak because you can't get your marketing act together. I demand satisfaction.
The next time I'm watching television somewhere else, if I don't see an obscene amount of tortilla commercials bombarding the public's eye and someone else telling people that tortillas are now a snack, I'm writing a letter. And, I beg my readers to do the same if they have ever felt the shame of shoving something into their mouths that technically isn't a snack. Like, a whole chicken leg, or three avocados, or celery. But, I kind of have to admit, if you're eating celery as a snack, we can't be friends anymore. Unless it is doused in mayo and sweet chili sauce, then it's cool, I'll over look it.
Here is the phone number, email address, and physical address for La Tortilla Factory. Let's get the ball rolling, people.