Yesterday I received a message from a lady who (whom?) I greatly admire asking if I would let her help me compile a book of my writing for publication. This chick is bad ass. She knows her stuff. She is hilarious and tough as nails and asked me to respond to her proposition by simply replying, "Y" or "N."
I responded, "A MILLION TIMES Y!!" Ok, maybe not in all caps, but that's how I felt inside. I know that if anyone can help get my butt into gear and actually get a decent book pulled together, it's this lady.
So, I started writing. This was my process:
1. Get comfortable.
2. Get back up and smoke and pace for a few minutes.
3. Decide whether or not a nobody should even have a prologue or if I should leave that to the pros who people are actually interested in.
4. Wrote a prologue.
5. Paced around a little more thinking about what in the hell I want to put "out there."
6. Started in on Chapter 1.
7. Had childhood flashbacks (mostly about peeing my pants in the fifth grade and my L.A. Gears) midway through the first chapter.
8. Started to edit and decided I'd leave it up to MY NEW EDITOR. I'm like so fucking official, guys, it's unreal.
9. Emailed MY NEW EDITOR.
10. Thought about when I would stop italicizing the phrase MY NEW EDITOR and the answer is NEVER.
11. Started getting panicky about the material I sent off.
12. Tried to write a second chapter.
13. GOT WRITER'S BLOCK.
14. Texted everyone I know that I am going to be famous.
So, if you ever need advice on how to write a book, just refer to my handy 14 step process as laid out above.