The People Who Choose To Love Me

The People Who Choose To Love Me
This is my family. Watermark and all.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

I'm Going To Crack From The Pressure Or The Excitement Of It All

Yesterday I received a message from a lady who (whom?) I greatly admire asking if I would let her help me compile a book of my writing for publication. This chick is bad ass. She knows her stuff. She is hilarious and tough as nails and asked me to respond to her proposition by simply replying, "Y" or "N."

I responded, "A MILLION TIMES Y!!" Ok, maybe not in all caps, but that's how I felt inside. I know that if anyone can help get my butt into gear and actually get a decent book pulled together, it's this lady.

So, I started writing. This was my process:

1. Get comfortable.

2. Get back up and smoke and pace for a few minutes.

3. Decide whether or not a nobody should even have a prologue or if I should leave that to the pros who people are actually interested in.

4. Wrote a prologue.

5. Paced around a little more thinking about what in the hell I want to put "out there."

6. Started in on Chapter 1.

7. Had childhood flashbacks (mostly about peeing my pants in the fifth grade and my L.A. Gears) midway through the first chapter.

8. Started to edit and decided I'd leave it up to MY NEW EDITOR. I'm like so fucking official, guys, it's unreal.

9. Emailed MY NEW EDITOR.

10. Thought about when I would stop italicizing the phrase MY NEW EDITOR and the answer is NEVER.

11. Started getting panicky about the material I sent off.

12. Tried to write a second chapter.

13. GOT WRITER'S BLOCK.

14. Texted everyone I know that I am going to be famous.


So, if you ever need advice on how to write a book, just refer to my handy 14 step process as laid out above.

8 comments:

  1. And those of us who have been reading before now will be able to say we knew you when. This is so exciting. Congratulations! And, hey, maybe YOUR NEW EDITOR will decide that your prologue should be Chapter 1. So you may already have Chapter 2 written.
    That should break the writer's block.

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    1. Good thinking, Chris! Also, check your email! :D

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  2. Good for you!!! I can barely get myself to even blog these days and I have zero kids.

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    1. Oh, you simply must try it! You'll have the highest blood pressure ever and the lowest self esteem from all the stretch marks and junk that happens to your once perfect lady part area. It's really good writing material!!

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  3. So cool! I'm excited for you! :-)

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    1. Thanks! I'm hoping it all pans out and I keep up the writing momentum! :D

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  4. When I heard your news I nearly peed myself with excitement. Either that or prenancy did a number on my bladder muscles. Anyway, I will print off and hang up this helpful chart if and when I decide to write my own book. The only shitter is that I don't smoke and the smell of it usually bothers me. Could you rewrite the list for us non-smokers? Like, take a break to eat something that includes sugar and fat as the first two ingredients. Thanks darlin'!

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    1. I will send you a ziplock bag full of my homemade mac and cheese for just such an occasion!!

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