The People Who Choose To Love Me

The People Who Choose To Love Me
This is my family. Watermark and all.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

I'm Pretty Sure LaLaLoopsy Is The Devil

I don't  know how many of you have small children who like to watch this show, but if your child happens not to like LaLaLoopsy, feel very grateful that your mornings aren't filled with a hundred sickeningly cute round faces with buttons for eyes and legs that look like fireplace matchsticks.


Terrifying.


I don't know if this show was trying to capitalize on the movie Coraline's button eye idea or vice versa, but when these dolls blink I swear I can see the dark lord swimming in the bits that are supposed to represent pupils. My kids have these dolls (or rather, used to) laying all over the house and they are the freakiest toys to step over in a dark hallway ever. I'd rather walk through a mine field of Legos than see one of these dolls at 2am in my home. Maybe this irrational fear of this particular kind of doll stems from watching The Tommyknockers as a small child. 
This scarecrow may have kicked off my life long insomnia.
There are other creepy toys that my children have found a way to smuggle into our home, but LaLaLoopsy dolls, by far,  are the scariest things I've ever seen made out of plastic. I'd rather they slept with Chucky dolls than these things. 


Look at those adorable dimples. Gingers are so misunderstood.


The only thing creepier than LaLaLoopsy is my daughter's "pet" ceramic chicken Henniwise. She loves that thing and I swear it watches me when I go into her room. 


Henniwise catching up on some Vonnegut.


I might just be terrified of Henniwise because her name reminds me of Pennywise The Clown from Stephen King's book It. I am realizing while writing this entry that a lot of my fears are connected in some way and they all kind of stem from either Stephen King novels and movies or childhood toys. I might need to set up a meeting with a counselor after I publish this...


Tim Curry made a very impressive horrifying clown.


Well, now I will get zero sleep this week and I will never be able to read this post again since it has every single thing I'm scared of all in one spot. Sleep tight and never accept the gift of a balloon from a stranger in clown makeup who lives in a storm drain!!


















6 comments:

  1. A friend of mine once called me because he was home alone and a doll his sister had bought was freaking him out. "It's creepy the way it keeps staring at me," he said. I told him to go into another room. He did and said, "It's IN HERE TOO. IT FOLLOWED ME! WHAT'S GOING ON?"

    His sister had gotten two.

    And I find it disturbing that Henniwise is reading Slapstick, the Vonnegut novel about a man who becomes president and is addicted to Tourette's medication even though he doesn't have Tourette's and hilariously drops the f-bomb during press conferences. But that's not nearly as disturbing as reading the book Coraline. I liked the movie but the book was much creepier.

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    1. I think that is a completely normal and appropriate book for Henniwise the evil chicken to read. I forgot to mention that my daughter created an entire religion dedicated to Henniwise as the supreme being. It's called Chickenism and it surprisingly makes a lot of sense because Henniwise is tangible. She reminds us to pray to Henniwise almost daily. Henniwise's comb was broken off in an unfortunate accident and my daughter insists that she sacrificed her own comb for our sins. It's cute and creepy.

      And, your friend's sister sounds like she was an evil genius!!

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  2. OK, add two more people to your group of people who are creeped out by Lalaloopsy dolls. My son and I both find the dolls and TV show disturbing. If we're in a store and see the dolls I'll pick one up and tell him, "Pick which one you want!". And he shudders and runs away. If the show is coming on, I'll yell to him, "Hey-- a show you like is coming on." And once again he is annoyed when he sees it's Lalaloopsy.

    Just from the one photo above, I'm getting a definite evil vibe off that chicken. If I was you, I'd lock him in the garage every night at bedtime. 'Cause safety first.

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    1. I love you because you make me feel less abnormal, Gina. Damn the distance between us!!! Damn. It.

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  3. Thankfully LaLaLoopsy wasn't around when my boys were little. The worst we had was Dora, the Backyardigans, Wonder Pets, and some others that have thankfully been forgotten.

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    1. Like those freakish Wiggles puppets with the gigantic eyes??? Ug.

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