The People Who Choose To Love Me

The People Who Choose To Love Me
This is my family. Watermark and all.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Ghosts, Breastfeeding, And Doodling On Faux Suede

What would you do for a living if money was not the driving factor?

The question haunts me. And watches me pee. And hears all of the inappropriate things I say when I talk to myself.

Ok, so not the last two things, but I do totally freak out about ghosts watching me pee for some weird reason.

Anyway, I asked a few friends what they would do for a living if money was no object and their answers were awesome.

One friend said she'd paint all day, my brother-in-law said his goal in life is to win the lotto (we were drunk and then had a heated debate about how getting lucky can't be a life goal, but he ended up winning because that song Lucky by Pharrell and Daft Punk came on and we forgot about the stupid lotto argument and it kinda proved his point that you can be rich and happy from being "Lucky"), and my best friend in the whole world said that she would draw things in the faux suede of her couch while breastfeeding because that's what she does all day long anyway. I will post her pictures now because she wants to get her coffee table book idea kick started and they are fucking great.

She sent me all of these via Facebook and before I could even ask, she answered the question burning in my brain.

"Why yes, that IS a horse-bat! They are like those famous amazing intricate sand pictures that dude does that are like only made to be perfect for a second before the weather and ocean takes them away. Except not good like that, and on my dirty couch."

 What I am guessing is a chicken creature.

 The international wifi symbol.

 A beautiful butterfly.

I am interpreting this as a screaming squirrel, but you can choose to believe it is anything your heart desires.

And, now I know the meaning of true love. It's a lifelong friendship with someone who strives to create coffee table books out of doodles on their filthy couch while they breastfeed. Find that with someone and you'll never be alone again. 

Except for when you pee.

Unless you have a ghost in your house.

 This is my favorite ghost. Not the cat. The pedophile from Donnie Darko.


  1. First, LOVE the couch drawings. Not to scare you, but I think the last one is a ghost squirrel. Sorry if I've ruined that for you!

    If I could do whatever I wanted and money was no object, I would want to travel all over the world. And then write (a book, for my blog, anything). And drink lots of good wine. These seem like attainable goals. Come on universe-- dump some cash in my lap. Let's make this happen!

  2. There must be something wrong with me. The last picture looks like a mermaid with Popeye arms carrying a tuba next to a kiwi gobbling something out of a small tree stump. But I should have known something was wrong with me even before that because I can't pee at home without looking behind the shower curtain first because I know that if a murderer has slipped into the house he's going to hide in the bathtub and wait for me to pee before he jumps out to kill me.

    Also I want the horse-bat turned into a fabric design and made into everything from sofas to t-shirts. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

    1. Christopher, I don't know how old you are or what your birthday is, but you might be my long lost twin. I blame Thriller for my life long paranoia of Michael Jackson hiding in my bathtub. You'd think that would stop postmortem, but it just got worse.

    2. And, you have an amazing imagination. I am trying to see the mermaid... Nope. Screaming squirrel.

    3. I'm terrible at both HTML and drawing, but here's a link to a picture I did outlining the mermaid. And then I decided to add red hair so she'd be a Rastafarian version of Ariel, and to make her tail green. The tuba looks more like an empty cornucopia, but, hey, I'm terrible at drawing.

    4. BWAAAAAHAHAHAHA!! Now I can't NOT see it. That's perfect!