The People Who Choose To Love Me

The People Who Choose To Love Me
This is my family. Watermark and all.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Why People Don't Raise Teenagers For A Living

I know people really like lists, so I will turn all of my angry, jumbled, worried thoughts about raising my teenager into one. These are all of the reasons that no one gets paid to (or wants to) raise teenagers for a living.

1. They back sass. (My teenager doesn't really talk back that much but I *really* like that saying... BACK SASS... too cute)

2. They consume more in calories than nine of me. Your entire month's salary would be spent on one week's worth of food. Not. Worth. It.

 3. The internet is terrible and will turn your teenager into either a bridge troll or Gollum and then you must answer three riddles in order to reach your sanity on the other side of the mighty Hormonal River Of Tears And Back Sass.


Thirty white horses on a red hill,
First they champ,
Then they stamp,
Then they stand still.

 Can't solve it, eh? I'll give you a hint.

You don't bite your ten year old sister with them because her arm is invading your ridiculously large personal space bubble.

I was going to go to at least 5 on this list but I think I'll stay at Gollum.

5 comments:

  1. It's a good thing you stopped at three because that was really enough right there. But at least you have a reason to use the expression "back sass". I think that ranks up there with "flibbertigibbet" in the list of expressions that just don't get enough use. And even a teenager should know that if they use their teeth on their younger sister they might end up in the hoosegow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am totally using hoosegow ANYWHERE I can.

      Delete
    2. And, if flibbertigibbet wasn't used in the movie Frank, it should have been.

      Delete