The People Who Choose To Love Me

The People Who Choose To Love Me
This is my family. Watermark and all.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

How I Singlehandedly Eliminated Plastic Waste And Ended World Hunger

Ok, so I maybe lied about the ending world hunger part, but I ended MY hunger for lasagna last night when I made a fucking amazing lasagna for dinner. And then, I ended my hunger again at 3a.m. when I was done torturing my liver with pomegranate vodka and Sprite. 

BEFORE the vodka though, I was busy making these little beauties out of household plastics because I hate to see things go to waste and I'm one of those hoarder people who will definitely die under a stack of magazines that I impulse bought from my four kids when they had all of those goddamned fundraisers at school that I don't care about but they are my babies and IT MAKES ME CRY WHEN THEY FAIL BECAUSE I TRULY FEEL THEIR PAIN.

I am probably the only person in the world who scolds their children for throwing out bread tabs. I am probably also the only person in the world who will get divorced because of saving bread tabs. My husband has had it up to the tops of my old magazine stacks with my billions of projects that I self deem as "genius." Also, if I save any more plastic milk cartons he will have to move out because the only available space left to store things is on his side of the bed. The good news is, we have been married for less than a year so everything can be swiftly annulled. No muss, no fuss, no alimony.

 More divorce trinkets.

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