We live in a neighborhood full of kids and have made friends with a couple of the parents on our block, and they all pretty much rock at life. One neighbor in particular makes me laugh until I pee almost daily. She is my neighbor-soul-mate. I've never been very good at making friends because I have a super shitty attitude but this lady makes it's hard not to love her. You can't help it. She knows every Wilson Phillips song. She can do the Cabbage Patch. She introduced me to Bloody Marys (I don't know if Bloody Mary is capitalized, but it seems like it should be) with gigantic green olives. She was basically carved from diamond.
This is her skull. Her skin is beautiful, too.
It's sparkly like the vampires in Twilight.
So, one night while the kids were gone and we were partaking in a few mason jars filled to the brim with liquid magic (Bloody Marys), we got to talking about how people are in your life for a reason and shit got DEEP. We talked about life being a lesson and how you need to learn certain lessons in order for your soul to move on to the next lesson until you're a supreme being and you can yell things like, "If you won't bow before a sultan, then you will cower before a sorcerer!!"
I don't think my neighbor and I would be evil sorcerers, but you never know. Power changes people.
Anyway, after about six Bloody Marys, it was decided. We were destined to be friends. And, she totally sealed the deal by singing Savage Garden and Kriss Kross on my back patio after we sang a duet of Heart To Heart like the twins in The Skeleton Twins (I am obsessed with that movie). I was, of course, Bill Hader in the reenactment. If you still haven't seen that movie I don't know what to even say to you, except that I'm not mad, I'm disappointed.
I hope that when we reincarnate next time we will end up meeting each other and owning a vodka distillery together in Russia. It would just be super convenient if we had barrels of vodka laying around to mix up our friendship juice before we sang Outkast and Blondie songs on my Siberian back porch.
My neighbor is the yin to my yang, the Kristin Wig to my Bill Hader. She is my skeleton twin. Or, as she so eloquently put it...
"We are balls of energy. BALLS. Of ENERGY. We found each other in the world. We're like... You know... DEEZ NUTS!!!" She said this with an absolutely serious face while motioning toward her crotch, so I knew this was from the heart and not just my diamond skinned neighbor blowing smoke up my Bloody Mary.