The People Who Choose To Love Me

The People Who Choose To Love Me
This is my family. Watermark and all.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

My Toddler Was A Spanish Speaking Womanizer In His Last Life

We named our two year old son Atticus after Harper Lee's character in To Kill A Mockingbird. The name is different, for sure, but to us it meant that our son would grow up with a solid, upstanding ideal behind his name and we are just both huge fans of the book.

 Gregory Peck, the handsome devil.

There is a great debate going on about whether or not people should buy Harper Lee's new book Go Set A Watchman because she may, or may not have, been taken advantage of in her old age to publish something she never meant the public to see. Basically, Atticus Finch is a racist bastard in the new book and I don't like the idea of naming my kid after some intolerant asshole who is only in existence because some slimy piece of shit conned a 93 year old woman who has limited use of her faculties to sign her name on the grubby, greedy, dotted bottom line.

Here's an article about it...
Our Kid Is Not Named After A Racist

So, anyway, that's the back story on his name and some new info about whether you should buy a book that was probably published without the author's full permission or understanding.

Now, I get to the point of the entry...

The other day my husband and I were goofing around with Atticus and he started yelling, "POMPALINDA!! POMPALINDA!!" He sounded like a soccer fan going bat shit crazy over his favorite team. It was hilarious.


We thought it was super funny that a kid who can't even say "peanut butter," and who pronounces the word "frog" like our favorite cuss word, would blurt out a longish word in Spanish and say it with such authority and gusto.

This went on for a few hours, and into the next day. Even as we were walking our other kiddoes to school, Atticus' dad and I joined in on the Spanish chant, "POMPALINDA! POMPALINDA!"

Then, I got to thinking. I have heard of hundreds of case studies where children are more receptive to past lives and some can recall them in great detail. Some of them recall past lives that were lived in other countries and these children can point out a specific street or home if driven past the place they can recall in their memories, and, in some cases, can even recall names of family members, friends, and coworkers. And, some kiddoes can speak in other languages never taught to them... HOLY SHIT...


Your father and I are so proud of your past life accomplishments, son... 
*wiping tears away with sleeve*

Well, as it turns out, we have an awesome friend who speaks Spanish who I could text and ask what this phrase means so I can get to the bottom of this past life business.

Me: Hey! Atticus started saying something in Spanish that we've never heard before. Does Pompalinda mean anything??? I looked it up and it is a place but I can't find it's meaning.

Friend: It depends because 'pompis' means 'butt' and 'linda' means 'cute'.

Me: o_O

So... Basically... All week long we have been running all over town (including various spots on the school campus) shouting, "CUTE BUTT!!"

 I Googled "Cute Butts," and now I feel like eating a gallon of ice cream and this puppy's ass is the only thing keeping me from crying about the sad state of my back end. 


And, there you have it. Our little Atticus can't grow up to be the racist monster in Harper Lee's new book because he'll be too busy looking up old flames from the 1920's to cat call as they roll past him in their irresistible wheel chairs and those foxy little crocheted booties.

These are actually adorable and I might buy some to distract people from looking at my oh-so-obvious contempt for squats that is hanging off of the bottom of my spine.


  1. With Atticus Finch, look at it this way: if it's the same person in both books then he was a deeply flawed product of his own time who nevertheless felt that everyone deserved a fair trial. He was complicated, like Archie Bunker, who was a huge racist but also a huge fan of Sammy Davis Jr., and so in Watchman we get Atticus calling Boo Radley "Meathead".
    And "Atticus" is a pretty cool name, especially when combined with the past life of a Spanish don, so you can relax. Besides "PMPLNDA" will make a much classier-sounding personalized license plate than "ASSMAN", which I believe is already taken.

    1. Oh man, I didn't even think about what my kids' personalized license plates should be!!! I should have already reserved some abbreviations years ago!! Have you read Watchman yet? I'm on the fence about it. I want so badly to read it but I don't want to contribute toward something that was done in a horrible way...

    2. I haven't read it and I keep going back and forth about it, but then I'm that way about everything. Hamlet had an easier time making up his mind than I do. On the one hand it would be an interesting insight into Harper Lee, and I love her style--not just Mockingbird, but the way she wrote. She had a very clear, distinct voice.
      On the other hand she kept this locked away for a long time for a reason.
      And then I think about writers like Virgil and Kafka and how they left instructions that all their unpublished work be destroyed when they died, and where would we be without The Aeneid or The Metamorphosis?

    3. This is true... Good counterpoint, Chris. I have decided, I will read it after she dies but only if I'm able to shoplift it or someone gives me a copy. I refuse to give money to people who are willing to dupe an old lady.

    4. Here's an alternative thought: go to your local library. Yeah, technically the library gave money to people who were willing to dupe an old lady, but think of that balanced out by all the other good libraries do.

    5. Well, well, well... Someone went to college! Look at all of your intelligent, well thought out rebuttals to my stubbornness!

  2. I have dreams of past lives all.the.time. The clearest memory is when I'm rescued from my evil father by my long lost brother and his faithful droids.

    1. My mom hypnotized me in a past life regression therapy when I was about 16 (obviously my family was not run-of-the-mill) and I was an islander man. I watched myself die. It was pretty intense. Yours sounds cooler.

  3. First I have to say, love, Love, LOVE the family pic at the top. So it looks like you have three girls and a boy. Better start buying stock in the Tampax/Playtex companies to get ready for the teen years.

    I too have mixed feelings about the new book. I don't want my idealized image of Atticus to be ruined.

    I'm glad Googling the words "cute butts" brought up pleasant images for you. With my luck all I'd get would be weird pornographic images that scar me for life. Like I recently googled the word "McTurd" (b/c it was a search term that showed up on my blog) and now I need counseling.

    1. Oh, man... I can imagine all kinds of prolapses (fun word one of my friends taught me and now I can't unsee things I wish I could unsee) popping up in your browser window.

      I don't think I'll read the book. I imagine I'd just be pissed off AND guilt ridden throughout the entire thing. Too reminiscent of my emotional state in my teenage years.

      And, thanks on the compliment on the family pic! We just stood there and made stupid faces and our friend Colin at Limited Spectrum added in the zombies and stuff. Best family portrait of all time.

  4. Is there gojng to be a cliffnotes version of the new book? Is anyone going to be required to give a book report? If not you're probably fine. It was the rare person who actually wanted to read it the first time.

    1. I guess it just makes me sad that Harper Lee may not have wanted people to read it. It's like cracking open your kid's diary and knowing they'll hate you forever if you read about their personal feelings and thoughts and then hating yourself for not respecting their boundaries (not that I've done this or that it was done to me as a child or anything). So, I don't know, I may read it at some point, the lady IS brilliant. I'm just not sure about seeing this side of her brain or the Dr. Jekyll side of Atticus Finch.