The People Who Choose To Love Me

The People Who Choose To Love Me
This is my family. Watermark and all.

Monday, August 3, 2015

How Sweat And Cheese Brought Tina Fey And I Together As Best Friends

This is my idea of what  personal trainers should look like.

Not. A. Drop. Of. Sweat.

THIS is what I imagine myself looking like after about twenty solid minutes of cardio.
 The only difference would be that I wouldn't have headphones. Or that tacky shirt. Or a Penis.
But, other than those things, the picture above correctly depicts my perspiration problems at the gym.

Besides the obvious sweating issues, there are several other reasons that I could never successfully start a career as a personal trainer and the sooner I learn what my weaknesses are, the sooner I can start focusing on a career path that makes sense for me.

Like, for example, cupcake tasting would be an EXCELLENT career move. And, this is where I tell you in the form of Tina Fey/Liz Lemon memes, the other reasons that I will never train another human being to become more fit.

 I think this is pretty self explanatory.

I love cheese. I want to classify every cheese eating experience solely by the time of day.

I am VERY socially awkward. And, consequently, this makes me sweat even more than normal.


Aaaaand, not really even sure if this is an actual Tina Fey or Liz Lemon quote, but I loves me some wine.

And, beer.

And, anything with a proof of more than 0%.

And, I'm pretty sure if I had someone I needed to meet at the gym on a Friday night and my husband brought home a bottle of wine I'd call in a bomb threat to the gym.

So, if this blog has taught me anything it's that I should be Tina Fey's best friend for a living, and I feel so relieved to have finally found my calling. I mean, it's like it was DESTINY or something.


  1. The best part is Tina Fey is rich enough to afford all kinds of crazy things, so you two can do things like sample every single cheese mentioned in Monty Python's "Cheese Shop Sketch".

    Tip: skip the Venezuelan beaver cheese. They'll never look at me the same way in Whole Foods.

    1. Man, just hearing the words 'beaver cheese' kind of makes me want to be anorexic... And, I'm a HUGE fan of food.

      Also, how does Whole Foods get to judge?? They're the ones PEDDLING beaver cheese.


    2. It's even worse than that: they're also hipsters. They're hypstercrites! Their soul patch is better than yours.

    3. Damn. My soul patch is the only thing I've got going for me.

  2. Oh god. I SWEAT so very much when I work out to the point where people comment on it. One DB asked if I had dumped a bucket of water on myself. F U! I tell myself sweat is fat crying but if that is true my fat needs to got on a good antidepressant.

    1. BWAAAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm TOTALLY using that line some day when someone says something about my perspiration!! Glad I'm not alone!!