The Only Thing I'm Good At Is Writing Lists Of Everything I'm Bad At

I think the reason I started this blog was to work through some personal issues that seem to be the root of the problem that is my lack of a career.

If I had a nickel for every time I changed my mind about what I should be doing for a living I'd probably have about $2.15 and, for whatever nonsensical reason, coming up with a new profession or passion every six months isn't profitable enough to be a career on it's own. Pffft.

DREAMING UP HALF BRAINED IDEAS 

I wish I could write something poignant, and insightful, and painfully beautiful about The Great Job Depression Of My Adulthood, but I'm afraid blogging a list of job titles I've held in the past in a large font accompanied by the strike-through option is what I'm reduced to.

BABYSITTER
McDONALD'S EMPLOYEE
BILL COLLECTOR
PHONE SURVEYOR
PHOTOJOURNALIST
MACFRUGAL'S EMPLOYEE
BIG LOTS EMPLOYEE
ROSS EMPLOYEE
MANAGER OF VISUAL DESIGN
ENTREPRENEUR
DAYCARE PROVIDER
TEACHER AIDE
RADIO STATION EMPLOYEE
JANITOR
CATERER
AUTHOR OF THE NEXT GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL
NOBEL PEACE PRIZE WINNER

I've been sitting here staring at this list trying to think of the other 30 things I've tried my hand at for a living and I'm drawing a blank. In all fairness though, there's a movie playing right now starring Bill Hader and Kristen Wig and it is soooo hard to concentrate through their hilarity. 

LIST WRITING
CONCENTRATING WHEN THE TV IS ON

Amazing movie. I highly recommend watching this if you're going through a mid-life crisis. Even if you're not in the middle of an emotional breakdown, it's probably still great.

Oh yeah, there was that time when my husband and I opened our own art gallery. I guess, technically, this would fall under entrepreneurship so I'll just lump that in there with my failed kids' graphic t-shirt business, Spit & Vinegar Apparel, that I started without researching. 

CREATING A CONCRETE BUSINESS PLAN

Oopsie daisy!!

My entire life has been a series of impulsive (don't get me wrong, it's been a blast!), barely thought out decisions that have all accumulated into this person I seem to have become. A mother of four who waitresses part time and tries her hardest, but usually fails, to care about the environment.  I guess, if it has to be simplified, that's what it is. 

 Shit.

ARTIST

STARVING ARTIST
ADULT COLORING BOOK ARTIST (NOT THAT KIND)

I was trying to draw a bunch of these to compile a book and to try and relieve stress from being a stay-at-home mom, but it kind of backfired because this drawing gives me panic attacks.

TATTOO APPRENTICE

FLEA MARKET FLIPPER (see previous posts for deets)

UPCYCLED PLASTIC JEWELRY DESIGNER

And, through all of these failures and opportunities squandered, the one thing I have managed to do is be an attentive mom of four amazing kiddos, and knowing that I'm trying my best at holding that job title kind of makes all of these other things not matter so much.

Ok, so I was sitting, blogging, ten feet away from my child when she decided to stuff herself into a Home Depot bucket and I didn't realize what she had done until she screamed for help, so maybe 'attentive' isn't the best adjective for my mothering skills. But, I did help her out of the bucket and told her to hide her face so no internet creepers would know her identity... I'll count it as a draw.

ATTENTIVE MOTHER

MASTER OF  REMOVING CHILDREN FROM BUCKETS!!

Nailed it.