I'm Starting To Doubt My Genius, And I Don't Like It.

When I was a kid I liked to come up with inventions. I had an idea for putting nursery rhyme pictures on paper towels and submitted that to the paper towel company. I was turned away and was told that I needed to have a patent and possibly a lawyer to submit ideas. Guess what came out six months after I submitted my idea?

Nursery Rhymes. On paper towels. I can't find any pictures of them on the internet because that was before the internet was a thing and everyone just lived life and didn't have to take pictures of their paper towels to prove they were living life to the fullest. Also, what's going on in this nursery rhyme??! 

Then, I came up with the brilliant idea to turn those little delicious covered raisin thingies in Raisin Nut Bran into individual packets for kids to bring to school as snacks. Again, sent my idea in, and again was told, "Nope, you need a patent and a lawyer." But, AGAIN, what came out a few short months after I submitted my brilliant idea??? 

Those whitish delicious bits were packaged alone. As snacks. For kids' lunches. Again, I can't find any pictures of them, but they were real, believe me, you! And, either people were just too busy eating them to take one freaking Polaroid for all of posterity (and so I don't look like a complete lunatic here) or, it was just a super shitty idea and maybe General Mills shouldn't have stolen a seven year old's idea and tried to pass it off like it was their own?? Bastards.

AND THEN, there was the velcro hangman board game idea I came up with. And, once more, my dreams were dashed and my idea was put to use without me being able to reap the monetary benefits from it. 

Ok, so, once again, I can't find a damn picture of what I was looking for but I swear my friend Melissa's brother had it and I vividly remember being royally pissed off that I wasn't receiving any sort of royalties for my idea. So, pretty much this whole damn post is a bust and there's no proof of my genius ideas that were stolen but the lack of proof is starting to make me think I'm not a genius at all and if I had paid for a patent and a lawyer for that crap I would have landed my family in the poor house. Also, is that freaking Vincent Price on the cover of that Hangman game??!

I had these insane dreams the other day when I was napping about how to change the design for the flyswatter into a more effective product. Even though I may never get a patent for the idea, I'm not going to divulge all of my fly swatter secrets in my blog for some fancy fly swatter company to steal from me. NOT THIS TIME, CORPORATE AMERICA! But, trust me... It will be amazing and flies won't know what hit 'em!! Whoa, that's totally my catch phrase!!! This blog post is proof that I came up with that fair and square and if someone steals it, I will sue the velcro off of them. 

^ LIIIZZZZ-AME.

I was going in a completly different direction with this post when I started (I was thinking that maybe my calling was to be a crazy inventor like Belle's dad on Beauty And The Beast) but now I'm feeling a little discouraged and not at all like I should be an inventor. I'm pretty sure crazy old Maurice would tell me to never give up on my dreams (whichever one it is that I'm focusing on for that day) and he would clap me on the back and tell me to keep giving it my all. But, he's a fucking cartoon and I'm starting to think everyone in that small provincial town was right about him... I mean, couldn't he have just chopped a couple pieces of wood by hand? 

I still want a pair of these goggles. And, to invent something useful. 

One of these days...

I loved this song as a kid. You're welcome for the ear-worm.