My Mornings: A Series Of Pictures I Stole From The Internet

Every morning I have four kids to get ready to do stuff and things.

This is how every morning starts out. I don't own a cool alarm clock but I do own a phone with a smashed screen. And, nooooo, I didn't smash my phone with a hammer. 

My Great Dane was hungry and likes a challenge. 

After I finish hitting snooze for about an hour, I wake the children.

Then, I stumble toward the coffee maker.

I then proceed to answer 50,000 questions out of four tiny people and spill my coffee all over myself.

Today's reason I spilled my coffee all over myself.

This ugly, coffee wasting, mother fucker flew at my face this morning.

I have a neighbor to corroborate my story.

And a pair of pants and my favorite shirt to Woolite.

Then, there is the hour long game we all play that we like to call, "Mom, Where's My Other Shoe And Why Aren't You Psychic Enough To Know Where Everyone In The House Puts All Of Their Shit?"

Then, there is the hair brushing fiasco.

I drew this in honor of my youngest daughter. 

This is exactly what her hair looks like every morning when she wakes up. 

Feel free to print this out and color it next time you want to shave your kid's hair off.

Adult coloring books are all the craze and are very relaxing.

And, just before the kids are ready to walk out the door for school, the entire household erupts into one final, beautiful, chaotic display of, "WHAT AM I FORGETTING???"

And, then, as quickly as the house exploded, it is calm.

EERILY CALM...

Where...

is...

my...

TODDLER?????

Obviously, this isn't my kid.

When my kid does stuff like this my first reaction is to call an adoption agency, not pick up my phone and snap a picture to savor the moment in which my brain forgot all of the anger management training I had to endure as a teenager.